


anchor

by yetnotyet



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Walk Into A Bar, Yveseul, a tiny bit of angst, haseul is a mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yetnotyet/pseuds/yetnotyet
Summary: Haseul is a mystery that Sooyoung wants to unravel.





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How, how to help a person that doesn't want to be helped?

That was a big question, a question to which Sooyoung would have to keep searching the answer. The most interesting thing, however, was that she knew there had to be something else, something good enough to be able to change the head of the woman whom she continued to see night after night, in the same tiny wooden bench, resting her hands on the counter with that same empty look in her eyes.

"Tequila. Neat." The woman murmured as she locked her phone, the light which used to illuminate her features disappearing. Sooyoung could still see them, sure, but the brightness that was previously there was now gone.

Sooyoung thought it might have been gone for good.

She focused on getting the drink ready instead of continuing down that futile train of thought, but it always popped up again, to come back with a vengeance. She placed the glass right in front of the woman, who seemed to be in a very profound reflection herself, and turned her attention to the clothes she was wearing.

There it was, a very interesting name tag on her white dress shirt. The two top buttons were undone. The tag, obviously, had her name-

_Haseul._

Sooyoung tried, unsuccessfully, to divert her gaze from the woman's lips while she sipped from the glass, not even a simple grimace forming on her face as she put the glass back down, her lips returning to that same old straight, empty line.

"I know what you're thinking," the woman, Haseul, said suddenly. Sooyoung's eyebrows instantly arched, but that was the only change in her expression that Haseul could see, since the woman definitely shouldn't be able to read her mind. "how sad am I, drinking on a Monday night?"

That particular thought had not crossed Sooyoung's mind, not even for a second, but other theories about the woman did, actually, swim around her head.

"We're all a bit sad." Sooyoung muttered, her head hanging low, but her thoughts flying high, way higher above.

It didn't surprise her when dry laughter left Haseul's mouth. Sooyoung thought her truth bombs made people laugh more than it made them actually take them seriously. Sooyoung didn't really care too much, to tell the truth. She always felt like it didn't make much of a difference, anyhow.

"You think you're gonna make sense with me with some disemboweled poetry? I wish I could say I'm better than that, but honestly… I'm doubting my own capacity to say I'm better than anything I've seen today."

Sooyoung gave a weak smile to that. So far, that was the biggest percentage of development (well, if you wanted to give it a mathematical perspective) to any conversation she had ever had with Haseul in any given day when she came by to have a drink in that tiny bar.

"I don't think anything about it, to be honest."

That was a lie, and Sooyoung knew it deeply inside her gut, but she needed to tell it in order to pick up the pace of the conversation. She was far away from ever opening that safe, and she had no idea of the amount of money it had inside; but Sooyoung was way too curious about the code itself to give much of a damn about numbers.

"That's more than I could ask for." Haseul lifted her glass as if she was having a toast, and finished what little was left of the drink. She took a deep breath, fished her phone out again and brushed her hair back with her fingers.

It was a common gesture of frustration. What that frustration was directed at, Sooyoung did not know - but she thought if Haseul ever ordered another neat tequila, it wouldn't take too long to find out.

She didn't have to wait at all, as it turned out.

"I just fucking hate exes," Haseul begun what seemed to be a long speech, if Sooyoung's suspicions were correct. "they pretend to want what's best for you, even after you already broke up, but then they go ahead and plant tiny little seeds of evil in your daughter's head, hoping it will eventually get to you. Well, it worked."

Sooyoung did not expect so much information in one short breath after days of silence. Haseul had a daughter? That was quite the shock, if Sooyoung took the age she perceived Haseul to be into account. She was obviously over twenty, legal enough to drink without a single care, but Sooyoung no longer had the willpower to guess anything else after the revelation. Haseul was definitely older than she previously assumed.

"It's okay. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I depend on her to take care of things. I'm still my own person. One day she'll see that. One day I'll be over all of this."

And Haseul did ask for another glass, after all. But there were no more truths to be told that night, no matter how drunk she got.

[...]

Sooyoung waited quite a while to see Haseul again after that night. It didn't make much sense that the woman would take so long to show up again after everything that happened. But as Sooyoung would come to be aware of, the woman wasn't usually a person to make sense in the grand scale of things. And Sooyoung had no idea if that was good, or if it was actually horrible.

It was quite late when Haseul sat again in the same wooden bench, leaning over the counter which was cleaned by Sooyoung after every hour of poured shots and hands staining the dark and chipped wood.

She acknowledged the woman's presence with a head nod, but going against the grain once again, Haseul nodded back. Sooyoung did not know what to think of it, but it also wasn't as new as she initially thought when it came to Haseul.

"Whiskey."

"Neat?"

Haseul nodded, taking her time to check out the ambient, something she usually would not do. Sooyoung assumed something different had taken place, but she couldn't guess exactly what it was, or if it was good. But she continued observing the woman anyway, hoping her book turned at least a couple pages ahead. It could be just the introduction, if anyone was curious about that.

Sooyoung liked introductions.

She placed the glass in front of Haseul. It was quite amusing how the woman's tastes appeared to change from day to day. Maybe she just liked things that burned down your throat. In any case, Sooyoung thought it was peculiar.

"Something troubling today too?" She asked, a bit surprised by her own courage, but actually inquisitive about it, too. Sooyoung did not know if being direct would cause her problems, but how would she know if she didn't try?

She wouldn't. Not ever.

"Same old, same old. Tiring job, not enough time to do everything, you know the drill. Do you know the drill?" The woman looked up, and this time, for the first time if Sooyoung remembered correctly, she actively seeked her eyes.

Haseul had never looked her in the eyes before. And just as any and every sudden action, her stare was ephemeral.

Sooyoung needed a short moment to gather back the air that had been stolen from her lungs. She cleaned her throat so-not-discreetly, biting her lower lip, and nodding her head a bit nervously.

"I know the drill." She answered in a really low voice, as someone that had their guard down. And just thinking how much she wanted to be at the other side of the counter… but she couldn't. At least, not yet.

"So you really didn't need to ask. Unless… you wanted to know something beyond that, am I not correct?"

Sooyoung almost slapped her own forehead in that exact moment. She had done exactly what Haseul wanted her to do. She had taken the bait.

She remained in silence, as much as the words were melting like ice inside her mouth, dripping on her tongue.

"You, staying in silence. It is exactly what I expected. Playing coy, caring, being sweetly invasive. I've had enough encounters with people like you. I feel fucking stupid for falling for people like you. I feel stupid for being as curious about you, as you are about me."

Haseul finished her whiskey. And asked for another. And another, and another. And everything Sooyoung could do was obey, not being able to speak one single word, for the fear that everything coming out would sound like an excuse, for the fear Haseul would predict every single line if she even managed to speak. Because Sooyoung was sure she could, if she wanted to.

The woman got up, dizzy and completely unable to balance herself. Sooyoung did not want to let Haseul leave in that state she was in, but the amount of alcohol she possessed in her blood, she had the same amount in pride.

"Are- are you sure you can go home like that?"

"Don't- worry about me..." Haseul pulled away from Sooyoung's hold in her wrist violently, and left without looking back.

[...]

Sooyoung remained in the dark when it came to Haseul for a long period of time. She kept working at the same bar, and clients interested in more than just alcohol ended up appearing as usual. But Sooyoung ignored them, now more than ever, and even more aggressively. She couldn't think about anyone but Haseul.

Actually, Haseul just would not leave her mind alone. Even with so little of her, _really her_, inside her head, Sooyoung kept those tiny little specs with a lot of care. She wanted to forget her, but in the end, she could only manage to want her more and more. And the worst thing was, she had no idea why. It wasn't like Haseul was the last woman on Earth. She had no idea what attracted her so much. Maybe it was the nonchalant way she asked for her poisons in clear glasses, maybe it was the rare gleam of the warm lights above when they shined on her eyes as she looked up.

And it could be that one, last time where she actually stared at Sooyoung.

She shook her head vigorously, holding tight onto the knife that she was using to cut the lime on the board. Sooyoung didn't want to lose control in that moment, especially when she still had a job to complete and bills to pay.

But none of those things mattered when the voice called her name.

"Sooyoung. That's your name, right?" Haseul sat down, once again, in the same bench, leaning over the counter, laughing after seeing the trembling knife in her hands. "If you don't drop that you'll end up getting hurt."

"How did you know? My name." Sooyoung dropped the knife, washing her hands which were wet with lime juice. But the bitterness she felt wasn't from the lime, and she was sure of it.

"I heard it around. You're popular in a lot of circles… working in a bar… working in a bed… word spreads."

Haseul was smiling, but there was nothing sweet about that smile. It was almost like she was making fun of her, maybe even threatening her. And even then, Sooyoung's attraction to her betrayed her, and that stare wasn't all that different. It still took Sooyoung's breath away.

"Sure, popular. Is that why you came back?"

"I came back to see you. You're popular, that's true, but I don't really care about those things. I gave up on popularity, that word has hurt me enough." The woman lost all the mockery in her voice, adopting a lighter tone, and most importantly, a more sincere one.

"You're seeing me now. Won't you have a drink? Maybe it'll help with playing games with me, like you did before."

Part of Sooyoung regretted saying that, but she would not take the words back. She was starting to forgive her, just for having those eyes, and just for staring at her with them so intensely.

"I don't want the alcohol to cloud my judgment before I do what I wanna do."

Haseul smiled, taking a deep breath, leaving her leaning position on the counter. She smiled, quite bitterly. It looked like another long speech was coming, if Sooyoung was correct. But this one, she hoped was a lot better, and much more sober than the last one.

"After I left that night, that last time… my ex and I had a fight. A bad one. I couldn't stand that feeling of imprisonment anymore, so I kicked her out of the house. I wished I kept my daughter out of it, but those words needed to be said. She finally finished taking her stuff yesterday."

"A weight was lifted off your back."

"Exactly. But, not all of it. When I stopped to think about it, there was still a loose end on this story, a loose end I would really like to tie. I was too proud to admit that I wanted to tie it. I just… didn't know how. Well, now I think I know."

Sooyoung couldn't help but feel surprised, as a ripple effect of shivers ran down her back, when Haseul grabbed her hands on hers.

"There's obvious mutual interest here, Sooyoung. Don't you wanna find out if it goes beyond that?" Haseul smiled, waiting for an answer that didn't come, exactly as she expected.

She took the silence as an opportunity to grab her by the neck and start a fiery kiss that took Sooyoung by surprise once again. Sooyoung grabbed her tie, loosening the knot as best as she could and letting her tongue meet Haseul's own.

The woman backed away from Sooyoung in a quick step before she could undo the first button of her shirt like she was planning on doing. They were both short of breath, hairs messy and lips red, parted in longing disbelief.

Haseul smiled again, this time a charmingly wise smile, a smile that was hiding secrets. Secrets that Sooyoung wished more than ever to unravel.

"Wouldn't you like to come over, Sooyoung? I know it can sound like a lot..."

"Yes." She sounded impatient, which caused weak laughter to come out of Haseul's lips. "Yes." Sooyoung smiled timidly, almost as if her mouth wasn't glued to Haseul's just minutes ago and the two were just in a casual date.

They enjoyed the few minutes where they knew it was too risky to jump on top of each other, instead exchanging more than just subtle stares. Sooyoung seemed almost restless in the passenger seat, and Haseul only smiled.

Finally, they arrived at the apartment. Sooyoung smiled, seeing the decorations on the walls, a mixture of minimalist paintings and children's drawings.

"What about your kid?" She asked, her hands behind her back, simply looking around, marveled.

"She's at a friend's. I needed some time to calm down, you know, after she left. I didn't want my daughter to get stressed out because of it too. She deserves better."

Haseul had that same, familiar, tired expression of someone who doesn't know what else to think or feel. Sooyoung could not handle seeing how much her eyes seemed empty, even after all this time. They appeared almost lifeless in that moment.

"There's an anchor pulling you down, Haseul. But it doesn't have to be this way, and I swear I'm telling the truth when I say that."

She placed her hands on her face, lifting it so she could see her features fully. She traced her eyebrows with her fingers, a small smile on her lips.

"I'm not gonna tell you I'm fixing you, because that's impossible. No one fixes anyone. But I can show you the other side, because there's more to life than this. It's your choice, Haseul. It has always been your choice."

Sooyoung slid her fingers to Haseul's chin, and instead of telling her not to cry when the first tears started falling down, she kissed her slowly and surely, without any sign of the hurry she felt before.

She squeezed her body against her own, tasting her tears as they slid delicately down her cheeks, almost like they had to. Sooyoung believed it was true, because after they started falling, Haseul's expression changed, from emptiness to something.

"Okay." She muttered against Sooyoung's lips before deepening the kiss more and more. She wanted to kiss her so much until there were no more thoughts inside her head, she wanted to kiss her in every possible place, she wanted to feel every inch of her skin between her fingers if it meant they were both feeling something.

And that was what Haseul did.

Her hands felt every part of Sooyoung as they were in her reach. Her eyes were closed shut as a pair of lips kissed her neck, but she was seeing everything with no restrictions. Shivers ran down her spine, moans left her mouth in an incomprehensible but pleasuring rhythm.

The woman dug her nails on Sooyoung's back, trying to silence how much she wanted to scream. Sooyoung's eyes burned her soul, with how much seriousness existed in them, even as she found herself being her biggest downfall.

And they made love during the rest of the night, the taste of Haseul's tears still on the tip of Sooyoung's tongue.

[...]

Sooyoung had woken up first, not knowing what to do with herself. Haseul was still in a deep sleep, so she was careful not to wake her as she slid out of the bed, arranging the sheets so they would keep the woman warm.

She decided to use the time she had to look around. It's not like she wanted to be nosy, but Sooyoung couldn't help but feel even more curious about Haseul's life. It was a weird feeling, needing more and more of something she had just gotten a piece of.

Her feet treaded slowly through the wooden floors of the apartment, taking her time to look more closely at the drawings she had once glanced at before. It was all very childlike, amateur, but she saw real promise in those scribbles, for some reason. The colors showcased a sensibility that could only have come from Haseul, and it was painstakingly obvious the girl was her daughter. Sooyoung started feeling this sense of pride, for no reason other than, she just couldn't picture being in Haseul's position.

"You can tell, right?" Haseul had approached without notice at first, lightly surprising Sooyoung. "You can tell she's going to be an artist. I've been trying to steer her clear off that path, but you just can't. Artists are just too stubborn."

"Yeah," Sooyoung silently agreed. She remembered wanting to be an artist herself - a dancer, actually. She dabbled in everything she could get her hands on; modelling, music, street performances… and now she was here, with not much to show for it. But those memories weren't regrets - ever - and she sometimes looked back, wondering where were all those friends now. Had they experienced a more successful path? "Artists are really stubborn."

"I guess I have my work cut out. My friend is coming to drop her off, so if you wanna run away, Sooyoung..." Haseul looked at her in the eye, deep, a piercing stare that had a clear idea in mind. "There's still time."

Sooyoung decided she was just gonna try to be stubborn again, this one time.

[...]

"You're gonna keep calling her baby, no matter how much she grows, won't you?" Sooyoung asked, picking the clothes of the eight year old who was about to be nine.

"She is my baby." Haseul had a tiny pout on her mouth. She would never fully accept the little girl right in front of her was growing fast, so fast.

"But she calls me mommy." Sooyoung threw a wink Haseul's way, who just shook her head disapprovingly. The little girl did always like Sooyoung from the start. She even naturally started calling her mommy, without needing any explanation about Haseul and Sooyoung's relationship, which only got more serious as the months passed.

"She has good taste, at least." Haseul lifted an eyebrow, teasing Sooyoung as she liked to do. The woman's only answer was to jump her from the back and attack her face and neck with kisses.

"Mommies are fighting?" The little girl asked herself in that kid-like curiosity, her eyes bright and shiny.

"We're just playing around, honey." Sooyoung reached for the girl's hair, slowly brushing the strands with her fingers. "Your mom likes to play with my feelings."

"If she has my perfect genes," Haseul smiled, arrogant, making Sooyoung roll her eyes, "and gets your sly fox persona, she's gonna turn out quite dangerous."

"Dangerous!" The little girl parroted, as if she was loving every part of that idea, and the two women smiled, agreeing.

"But she'll be our danger."


End file.
